his dad continues to be the only one who can get him up. sometimes it works, sometimes he has a spasm and has to go back down. there is little progress so i'm pretty freaked out. his max time for being up is anywhere from 5-30 minutes. we can bust out a sponge bath pretty quickly now. it helps that i am on a 5 week leave of absence from work now... i never mentioned that i switched jobs again to a 12 month position as a literacy coordinator at the community college. it's one position with a pay raise, and not 2 jobs--although i've been doing about 5 people's jobs all winter and spring since we've had a lot of turnover. it's been wacky, but i'm thankful for the employment and nice people to work with. it has been one of the most difficult times of our lives and i'm just trying not to be anxious about going back to work and balancing it all. it has pushed me to my limit. it feels like we're living in a hospital and being on call all the time. sometimes i can't even eat dinner or i eat breakfast at 2 pm, like today. i feel so badly for everyone... especially N because it makes it hard to spend any quality time together since every interaction now is a call for help. we are all worn THIN!!!
paco is the only one who still wakes up feeling groovy everyday and cheers us up with his puppy love and carefree ways. here is N in late may when he took a rare walk to the steps outside. it's very hard to believe we are at this point and i can only hope it will get better. N does have severe osteoperosis so i'm not sure if this is symptomatic of that--that's what i'm afraid of. we still can't get him in a vehicle to get the MRI and if it is a compression fracture as the doctor and PT suspect all he can do is what he's doing anyhow. i don't know how this happened or what it means.
watching the sunset over lamy together.
thank you, God, for my wonderful husband who loves me so much in the midst of such pain and for my hito pacito and for so much grace for each hard day.
4 comments:
we miss all you beauties dearly! like the new look, and super praying for each of you daily. love and hugs!
love you, kids!
my heart thinks of you often. The Lord brings you all to mind and I pray. I have stopped trying to understand why you must walk this journey. The asking why seems to be harder than the watching it all happen. I just want you to know that God is reminding us to pray for you. You are not alone. I do not offer any answers, save one. When Jesus hung on the cross, he understood your suffering. He understands it now. Not many of us can say that..but I know that you walk on holy ground and that the Lord can meet you in your pain, he had his own cross to carry. You are loved and prayed for..even from afar. Blessings ..Wende
Wow. Thank you, Wende. I will read this comment to N. It will really bless him and I know he'll agree as this is often how he feels thinking about the level of Jesus' suffering on the cross and the severe pain with no relief. All for a price that none can fathom now, but will one day be revealed.
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