pressed but not crushed

it has been an extremely pressing week, but the grace and nearness of Jesus is here.

nathanael hasn't been able to get out of bed for over 2 weeks now. he has had a few painful standing up moments, but can't walk at all without severe pain shooting through his back into his legs and everywhere. he ends up laying back down after the sheets are quickly changed. we have a prescription to get an MRI done, but they keep telling us after the ambulance ride he'll be put into a wheelchair. he can't bend his lumbar region at all so unless we hear a different plan, or he makes progress it can't happen anytime soon. obviously it's extremely depressing for him. he gets so severly dissapointed when he can't get up and it affects all of us for the rest of the day. we've tried ALL kinds of pain meds and he can't tolerate too many although some narcotics help his mood for the day then make him feel crappy the next day. we do everything and more for him in bed and we are all physically and emotionally exhausted. i go in and out of breakdowns and exhaustion and helplessness not knowing when things will improve. however, today i am feeling the prayers and encouragement and peace in the middle of it. each hour is challenge for everyone here. johnny works 2 full time jobs and helps N ALL day long and he and hils even have to help me with the evening shift and johnny then gets up early to check on N so i can get some morning sleep. i am not strong, contrary to popular belief. it is the strength of God in me, but how can i "explain" that? i guess if you saw what a hideous and feeble wreck i can be then you'd know in my better moments something miraculous is keeping me going. my boss has been soooo kind letting me come in an hour later and it is making a huge difference in my mental state. she could see i was falling apart. work is a reprieve except that putting N to bed late (after dinner, toothbrushing, changing clothes, peeing, making the bed with him in it, water, meds etc.) and getting up early and to work on time was making me insane. we are working on making things more accessible to N in his bed so we aren't literally running in and out every 5-10 minutes. it is going a little better with johnny's systems. here's N the last time he could walk around. it is increasingly harder to get onto his feet so while the back is (hopefully) resting, his body is weakening. he hasn't tried to get up for several days. his mom has been brokenhearted and her body is so hurting and in need of rest and help that she can't get. she is our sunshine. what can i do?!here is my little weirdo and i a few weeks back before all this happened. he really keeps me happy... most days. i sing him a lullabuy before he gets in his crate each night and that is a daily highlight because he puts his ears all the way back and stares at me with his big brown eyes and excellent eyeliner. i call him lamar cause he's got soul. he is such a sweetheart and a sneaky pistola and is a good distraction... most of the time!frog dog is very bossy. he follows me around every morning and begs to go to doggie daycare down the road with auntie judy and her pack. he runs into the garage any chance he gets and stands by my car door and stares like, "what the heck is wrong with you, mom? let's get out of here NOW." my best friend, dawn, visited a few months back and it was one of the highlights of my year. it was a one day visit as her husband was picking her up on the way back from a road trip. she flew into ABQ in the am (he works for southwest) and spent the day with us. she was soooo sensitive and kind to our situation and it only made it harder to not have a close friend nearby. thank you for your e-mails, facebooking, cards and most of all tears and prayers on our behalf.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33