the end of my time at home was blessed with two very dear and old friends who came to visit and help. #1 was our other mama, wendy, one of the cutest people i ever knew. she spent a weekend with us. she and hils and jd go waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy back back back to the 60s... whoa dude... and have been through lots together. she and her boys were roomates with my mom and me when i was in high school. she helped me learn how to drive, sanitize the sink after cleaning raw chicken, and much, much more! 
we had not seen wen since we left CA 3 years back, so it was a very special treat. she was delightful and made our hearts very glad. she gave N a top notch pedicure, a big massage and lots of love. she loved paco, too! 
johnny was here as well so he wanted me to show wen the town a bit and to give me a day off. we had such a good time! we went to the farmer's mark up (sorry, but $8 for a bunch of arugula?! it costs un brazo y una pierna to shop there! it doesn't have to be that way!), counter culture cafe, and to some of my favorite galleries around the plaza. the mariachis were on stage to host the "king and queen of spain" to set off the local annual fiestas. vivan los conquistadores! this adorable couple was dancing in the rain.
we got to go to see the woodblock prints of one of my favorite southwest artists, gustave baumann (wendy's family name!), at one of my favorite local galleries. his american west scenes are soothing and quiet, and his colors are endlessly satisfying. it was such a relaxing day! thank you , dear wendell! we miss you so! our hearts were revived with your presence.
our last guest of summer, was the former mcewan's scottish ale (no longer sold in u.s.!) northwest rep. en route from boston, paris, and denver to lamy. the infamous doctor eye visited his long lost, yet eternal pal on labor day weekend. day 1: 4.5 hour crossword session, humbolt fog and porter
6 letter word for this activity; first letter is b and the last 4 letters are r-i-n-g. so glad they were on the same page... literally. for hours. sorry, just not my forte!
tim was an incredible servant to nathanael AND to me the ENTIRE weekend.
N used to be taller than tim. we were all a bit disoriented at first to see the height difference as tim always remembered N having an inch on him. n has gone from 5'11" to 5'7" due to his osteoperosis.
i have not seen n so happy and so carefree for a long time. really carefree! geesh, tubbery. at times i felt i was in the boy's locker room, but it was all medical. there is a special bond between these two that is a gift from God.
we sent the lad on his merry way, because as you can see below he has his hands full. thanks for lending us the devastating man, abbs. he is going to make an unbelievable dad!
here's to the new lad or lassie--paco's new playmate!
thank you wendy and tim for ministering to our needs and hearts in this most challenging season of life. you guys are both a kiss from Jesus!
she and her amazing husband marty and my wonderful aunt (well... my mom's cousin, but i call her an auntie) jennifer came to our house one day and we met in town for dinner the next day. they doted on N, or natty, as bamma calls him:):):) and brought calabasitas and peas from our relatives gardens in mora...
fee bird was also here at the time since her dad had to return to california to do much needed work. she was AWESOME and adorable and made great progress with N. see... no oxygen and she got him outside and he was only holding one hand. we were so excited. she would make N laugh a lot and he would have to say: "i'm not listening, i'm not listening" so as to prevent any cracking up. she's the best! 
fee was very disheartened to hear that the saturday she left, N had a huge setback while her dad was taking her to the airport. after his sponge bath, he literally clung onto me for 20 minutes in a severe spasm that left him panting over my shoulder and completely locked up. thankfully maria showed up and she, hils and i got him painfully back into bed. he stayed there until tuesday afternoon. 
his dad continues to be the only one who can get him up. sometimes it works, sometimes he has a spasm and has to go back down. there is little progress so i'm pretty freaked out. his max time for being up is anywhere from 5-30 minutes. we can bust out a sponge bath pretty quickly now. it helps that i am on a 5 week leave of absence from work now... i never mentioned that i switched jobs again to a 12 month position as a literacy coordinator at the community college. it's one position with a pay raise, and not 2 jobs--although i've been doing about 5 people's jobs all winter and spring since we've had a lot of turnover. it's been wacky, but i'm thankful for the employment and nice people to work with. it has been one of the most difficult times of our lives and i'm just trying not to be anxious about going back to work and balancing it all. it has pushed me to my limit. it feels like we're living in a hospital and being on call all the time. sometimes i can't even eat dinner or i eat breakfast at 2 pm, like today. i feel so badly for everyone... especially N because it makes it hard to spend any quality time together since every interaction now is a call for help. we are all worn THIN!!!
paco is the only one who still wakes up feeling groovy everyday and cheers us up with his puppy love and carefree ways. here is N in late may when he took a rare walk to the steps outside. it's very hard to believe we are at this point and i can only hope it will get better. N does have severe osteoperosis so i'm not sure if this is symptomatic of that--that's what i'm afraid of. we still can't get him in a vehicle to get the MRI and if it is a compression fracture as the doctor and PT suspect all he can do is what he's doing anyhow. i don't know how this happened or what it means.
watching the sunset over lamy together.
thank you, God, for my wonderful husband who loves me so much in the midst of such pain and for my hito pacito and for so much grace for each hard day. 
we did get a shave in.
and a hairwash courtesy of the cho and rocko salon. we saran wrapped his port air tight and then put the trash bag over his head and i taped all around his neck in a neurotic way. we had rugs and towels all over the floor for padding and then dumped nice pitchers of warm water over the tired man. cho gave him the gentle head massage knowing how much pressure not to put on a person's spine from her own experience. things i would never have thought of. we were both eager to get our fingers in that hair and scrub. it had literally been weeks since he'd had a hairwash--he'd only done it once in a while with the port. then i poured generous amounts of warm water over his scalp until cho had to tell me that's enough. i have itchiphobia. then i did the spongey cuz that's the wife's job. his feet turned blue so i had to speed it up, dry him off and get him dressed so his dad could walk him. not even i can walk him at this point. 
it is impossible to paint an accurate picture of how non-stop it is here. it feels like we are soldiers who have to keep going, but don't want to. it is not war, but it is a battle. some days i lose it emotionally and mentally... more often than not, but then God picks me up again and again. "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," is a Bible verse in the book of Philippians by Paul-- a man who suffered a lot on every level so it's not just anyone declaring this. a man on an airplane on my trip to new mexico in 2005 (before i lived here) gave the verse to me and said he felt it would be very important in my life. i knew the verse, but now i am knowing it. i'm not getting through this because i am strong. i am so pathetic and feel so sorry for myself and am so weepy and whiney and CRABBY and sulky most days, and quite frankly anyone would be! dang. it's just too much. it's only through Jesus that we are making it... barely it seems, but with blessed assurance of his strength to fall apart upon.
obviously it's extremely depressing for him. he gets so severly dissapointed when he can't get up and it affects all of us for the rest of the day. we've tried ALL kinds of pain meds and he can't tolerate too many although some narcotics help his mood for the day then make him feel crappy the next day. we do everything and more for him in bed and we are all physically and emotionally exhausted. i go in and out of breakdowns and exhaustion and helplessness not knowing when things will improve. however, today i am feeling the prayers and encouragement and peace in the middle of it. each hour is challenge for everyone here. johnny works 2 full time jobs and helps N ALL day long and he and hils even have to help me with the evening shift and johnny then gets up early to check on N so i can get some morning sleep. i am not strong, contrary to popular belief. it is the strength of God in me, but how can i "explain" that? i guess if you saw what a hideous and feeble wreck i can be then you'd know in my better moments something miraculous is keeping me going. my boss has been soooo kind letting me come in an hour later and it is making a huge difference in my mental state. she could see i was falling apart. work is a reprieve except that putting N to bed late (after dinner, toothbrushing, changing clothes, peeing, making the bed with him in it, water, meds etc.) and getting up early and to work on time was making me insane. we are working on making things more accessible to N in his bed so we aren't literally running in and out every 5-10 minutes. it is going a little better with johnny's systems. here's N the last time he could walk around. it is increasingly harder to get onto his feet so while the back is (hopefully) resting, his body is weakening. he hasn't tried to get up for several days. his mom has been brokenhearted and her body is so hurting and in need of rest and help that she can't get. she is our sunshine. what can i do?!
here is my little weirdo and i a few weeks back before all this happened. he really keeps me happy... most days. i sing him a lullabuy before he gets in his crate each night and that is a daily highlight because he puts his ears all the way back and stares at me with his big brown eyes and excellent eyeliner. i call him lamar cause he's got soul. he is such a sweetheart and a sneaky pistola and is a good distraction... most of the time!
frog dog is very bossy. he follows me around every morning and begs to go to doggie daycare down the road with auntie judy and her pack. he runs into the garage any chance he gets and stands by my car door and stares like, "what the heck is wrong with you, mom? let's get out of here NOW." 
my best friend, dawn, visited a few months back and it was one of the highlights of my year. it was a one day visit as her husband was picking her up on the way back from a road trip. she flew into ABQ in the am (he works for southwest) and spent the day with us. she was soooo sensitive and kind to our situation and it only made it harder to not have a close friend nearby. 
like 2 jedis on a mission, we covered the town with our amazing turtle power.
the giant vintage barbie head pez dispenser drew us into the candy store and this pretty much displays how productive our trip was. it was a blessed break getting to talk, laugh and pray with my cutest homegirl the sisterbird!!! 
franco was sweet to give us some dough to eat a nice meal.
that's because we finished the night at the wild horse saloon dancing with cowboys! old cowboys, mind you. it was directly across from the restaurant, it was friday night, we didn't have anything else to do so what the heck. initially we debated-- that's what we usually spent half of our time doing, and then we forced ourselves to pay the cover, get our hands stamped, and stared in awe at the flux of locals in boots and cowboy hats lured onto the dance floor under the spell of the "movin' on band." i highly, highly recommend going here if ever you visit durango, and if you live there i hope you go once in while! it was a blast! once "sweet home alabama" began playing there was no stopping the bird. she was the only gal dancing alone in her own world which had a lasting effect on the single dudes. for the rest of the night she was asked to dance again and again. i finally hit the floor with her when lady gaga came on. we were told, "you girls have class. where ya from?" here is feebird gettin' down for the millionth time.... she's in the white pants. it was so great to dance again. it's been forever! the next day we sought that rocky mountain high so we drove north and realized there was no way were going to hike in all that snow. it was awesome though and we could see snowboarders here and there dropping down slopes which made birdie kind of jealous. it made me think of injuries.
we headed back to town and went on the colorado trail (thanks steph!). 
we couldn't get very far as it was also pretty snow packed, but refreshing to get out and breathe the wonderous, colorado air.
the last morning we took our final walk (of about 40 because we could never decide what to do) around town in the spring sunshine. 
this street reminded us of tacoma. 
headin' out. texting, texting, texting. 
by the way, after her first day in town, fee decided she could not live in a small town being the california girl she is. we spent about 5 minutes at the college just to see it and that was that. so our primary mission was accomplished and our secondary mission of getting a break and having some good old fashioned fun together was complete as well. thanks to God and parents for a great time!!!
until we meet again...