the lawrence tree

bravo, lauren superbrain. it is indeed the lawrence tree! you win first prize, but a close second goes to me own poppy nick the greek. happy birthday and father's day also! and thank you for the explanation in my comments and for the beautiful quotes from o'keefe herself. take it away, dad...

From Nickipedia:
The Lawrence in "The Lawrence Tree" is author D.H. Lawrence. He had a ranch near Taos, New Mexico, and O'Keeffe visited. In her words:"...There was a long weathered carpenter's bench under the tall tree in front of the little old house that Lawrence had lived in there. I often lay on that bench looking up into the tree...past the trunk and up into the branches. It was particularly fine at night with the stars above the tree."But the most authoritative source regarding the painting's orientation is O'Keeffe herself, in two letters included in the National Gallery's catalog:"I had one particular painting -- that tree in Lawrences front yard as you see it when you lie under it on the table -- with stars -- it looks as tho it is standing on its head..." (Letter to Mabel Dodge Luhan from Taos, August 1929.)"...I also got a painting of the big pine tree as you see it lying on that table under it at night -- it looks as tho it is standing on its head with all the stars around -- Pretty good -- for me..." (Letter to Rebecca Strand [James] while on train from New Mexico to New York, 24 August 1929.)


there you have it, folks! a little art history for ya...
and now lamy has dsl so this whole blogging thing will not be as labor intensive. yay!!!
ciao!

trip out

hello there.
i started off my summer vacation with first trip out of town in two years. weird... and fun! hilary and i went to taos which is about 60 miles north of santa fe. we drove on the old high road which is many winding miles of alpine peaks and valleys scattered with trailers, cabins, farms, moo cows, tire biting dogs etc. we drove up an old road in truchas (espanol for trout) to check out the landscape.
we found a crumbling adobe just like the ones i remember seeing in mora when i was a kid. i remember my mom and my aunt deni scaring my cousins and me by driving up to them in the black new mexico night and wandering around inside with flashlights under their chins. it doesn't help when your grandma has just told you stories about keeping brujas out of their houses with garlic in the old days. i remember jasmine and i sobbing in the back of the volvo begging them to get back in the car. still not funny... i took this picture quickly and ran back to the car!

my favorite spot on the high road to taos was el santuario de chimayo. it's nestled in a verdant valley with a rilling river behind it. it was the first real river i'd seen in forever. how i miss water, but i've traded it for air and sky so i won't complain. el santuario is a popular tourist and pilgrimage site for thousands as many believe that it is built on holy dirt with curative powers. the grounds were very peaceful and ideallic until our service dog in training discovered the wildlife.

me and my service terrier. not very focused ....

we arrived in taos on tuesday evening and pulled into the quaint rural town of arroyo seco. it was refreshing compared to trafficky taos. yes, i am completely spoiled. all californians, washingtonians, bostonians, nigerians, and others would scorn my impatience at sitting 10 minutes behind a row of cars to get through a small town. i was actually pretty disoriented for 2 days being around so many people and cars. don't know what'll happen when i return to california for a visit. kind of pathetic, but i'm really blessed to live where we do. i now appreciate how much it helps my nerves.

this is apple hill farm where we stayed. it was a straw bale green home with mud floors and all recycled tiles, stones and broken glass. sorry i didn't take photos of the inside-- i was actually very overwhelmed for the first two days of the trip and couldn't adjust so i spaced out on a lot of stuff. the house was crowded with a collection of colorful rugs (since the sealed mud floor can't get wet), books, nichos, nicknacks and a variety of handmade ceramics on which to dine and drink. i thought of meag, aunt deni and uncle big mike a lot. it was very cool and cozy behind those one foot thick undulous brown walls.

johnny and n graciously allowed us to stay an extra day. after all that packing and unloading of human and doggie equipment and food our hearts sunk at the thought of reloading and driving home after two nights away. so yay... we stayed one more night and had a great day on the third day. we went to mabel dodge luhan's crazy home. she was the wealthy new york socialite who brought all sorts of positive artistic and political attention to the beauty and cultures of new mexico. she hosted famous friends like georgia o'keefe, ansel adams, martha graham, and d.h. lawrence and even bought land for some of them. nice. she married a tiwa man named tony who had all the hook ups including another wife and family on the pueblo. pretty weird crowd, but they did a lot to preserve new mexico. view from her kitchen window.

mabel's land borders the taos pueblo.

we visited the taos pueblo on our second day in town. it was pretty intense, but an important place to visit. we paid up for parking, admittance, photos taken, five minute tour, baked bread etc. felt like an amusement park, but not quite as fun. sorry to be negative, but it was a sad mix of commercialism in a run down, yet amazing historical and natural setting which included many dogs in need of medical care. that probably describes a lot of the world. interesting points: it's the oldest continuously inhabited pueblo in the u.s.-- 1,000 years! there are 15 families still living there, the land in the background was signed back over after a 60 year battle thanks to.... nixon! they can now go once again on annual hunts there and get unfiltered water from their sacred blue lake.

the setting was incredible and the people were more welcoming than i expected. it's weird to pay to walk through someone's land while bored teenagers are texting on crumbling adobe, echoes of growling dogs threatening to fight cause you to continuously jerk around, cars are driving in and out of ancient roads, and a renovated catholic church is in the center of it all. it was a mind-bender and if anyone knows more about it let me know...

we also saw the rio grande gorge which spans 60 miles. imagine riding your horse up to that back in the day...

we also stumbled upon the d.h. lawrence ranch which is now owned by the university of new mexico and this here shepherd.

overall, it was a great trip. i am very grateful to have gotten out of town and to have seen something new. thanks to all those who made it possible.

does anyone know the story behind this famous tree? accollades for the winner in the next post... counting on you, geoff, if no one else figures it out.

IVs and semi-automatics

shortly after arriving in s.f. we found a clinic where n could get his weekly IVs. a number of times, and especially lately, he hasn't been able to get to the clinic. God has blessed us, however, with a very gifted nurse named sudarshan who drives to our house from the clinic to hook a brother up. his arm veins are pretty dried up so he goes in through his feet. not an easy feat- hey!while the IV is running sudarshan chills on the lounge chair and talks to tubbery. sometimes he brings his lunchy and they review their mutual love of art, history, art-history, music, cultures, medicine, memories, martial arts, spiritual matters, and of course, fire arms. sudarshan has been a big blessing to us. he is a fascinating and amazingly kind person. we are very thankful God has provided his skill and friendship at this time in our lives.

speaking of shooting pistolas...

recently i took a class called "pistol shooting: first steps for women," or as N and sudarshan like to call it, "girls with guns." heck yes. this i did with my boss and some co-workers and a neighbor (hils was signed up, but couldn't go because her knees were really bad off so our neighbor took her spot). why did we do this? why not!

but if you need a reason besides wanting to ride on horseback brandishing our pistolas with the sun setting behind us, most of us did it because we felt vulnerable about being around guns. it was an opportunity to put some holes in our fears and prejudices (N insists i put that and is rifling off -uh, oh- a list of destructive metaphors).

the instructor was NRA certified and all about safety. it was extremely enlightening and frightenly easy. hence the emphasis on safety. i enjoyed loading and shooting the 22 revolver, as did most of the other mujeres. however, my neighbor alex was so handy with the semi-automatic that the male instructor wanted to put her on his all female NRA shooting team. go alex oakley!

here i am with the semi-auto. target shooting. it was really amazing learning the fine points of lining up sights to make consistent shots. N is pretty proud, even though it was only a 22. when he saw my target page, he said in a bland voice, "that's good." but i say...

....we will not die like dogs, we will fight like lions!

ruedas (wheels)

what i didn't mention (being still in shock) in the last post was that n had fallen a few days beforehand and has been in a wheelchair ever since (over two weeks now). he slipped on a throw-rug in the dining room and twisted landing face down on his hands and one knee. he hadn't been able to walk until a couple of days ago so it's been extremely intense on every emotional and physical level around here.

we are still going to wait to get the x-ray and/or MRI as his sternum is healing up well on its own (as is the typical case). we are very thankful for that. his knee only swelled a very little and the doctor did not think it was broken, but maybe that the ligaments or tendons got pulled. we will hopefully be able to get n in the car to check it out in the next few weeks. as of only a few days ago, n has started to shuffle around in his REI moon boots i got him years ago. this is a huge step for all of us! he also got himself in the shower last night, which shocked me, since he had been waiting for me to come in and help him. it was his second shower in three weeks and he'd been trying to get my help all week, but i'd been getting home too late. he threw down the towels on the tile and just went for it. that was another amazing leap that has given us all a glimmer of hope.

wally has been helpful for the most part, foregoing her precious afternoon naps by n's side. she does not seen to be intimidated by the wheelchair, but she runs when she sees that oxygen tank turning the corner. funny gal.

my mom, a.k.a. franco, came for a week and was an incredible help lifting n in and out of bed several times a day, helping him on and off the toilet, up several times a night, etc. etc. she was full of God's grace to help in a desperate situation. there has not been a single hour of down time for any of us since this happened, but it's getting a little better each day as n is literally taking strides towards more independence.

you really don't know how much it takes to care for a person until they lose the ability to do even the simplest things like put on socks, grab a plate out of the cupboard, turn on the sink, move a around a corner or through a doorway. multiply that by a number of other major and minor tasks and you don't stop moving. i imagine having kids is similar. you are always waiting for the next thing and your day is scattered into constant interruptions. lots of people says illness is always hardest on the caregiver, but i totally disagree. it's very trying, but i don't think i could endure the patience, emotional strength, and physical endurance it takes to wake up everyday feeling sick and dependent on others. not to mention losing my ability to walk and get things for myself. i am grateful to be able to hustle into another room and grab something. n now has to plan ahead or wait until the right time to ask someone to wheel him through the narrow doorway to get his glasses etc. he is humble and patient beyond words.

i was an emotional mess while my mom was here, but i think it was good for me. she was a great friend and mom-in-law to n, also. they played crosswords at each meal. n's newest diversion since he can't swim or walk or get much needed relief in any other distraction. he's had an AMAZING attitude! what a man.

johnny flew back in the night before my mom headed back to CA. i don't have words to say how johnny and hilary are caring for us, but it's been incredible. johnny is the absolutely most amazing caregiver for his son, and all of us really. he allowed us girls to have a few hours out together which was pleasant... i think. can't actually remember, but i know i just love my two mommas very, very much. i am blessed with an amazing family. i just wish i could see my franco more often!!!

thank you, everyone, for your kind words and prayers on comments, emails, facebook etc. regarding the last post and our 5 year anniversary etc. it means a lot to hear from you. what a miraculous journey it has been. i praise God for another year with my beloved husband.

where my help comes from

"i will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where does my help come? my help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." psalm 121:1-2
today my mom forwarded me an email reminding me of this- one of my favorite psalms in the bible. i read it to n tonight before bed and we know it is true because jesus is true and helping us beyond what i can explain.

things have been very difficult this month. nathanael fractured his sternum about 3 weeks ago and we've been running on the survival treadmill ever since. he has osteoperosis so this was done merely getting off the toilet (since you're probably wondering). his dad flew out a couple days after it happened and has been here much longer than he'd planned during his busiest season of the year. n hasn't been able to lay down or get up without assistance. those first days hils taught me the trick of pulling and laying down someone by stabilizing them in a sheet. this she learned from her days at the convalescent hospital. i don't know what i'd have done if johnny and hilary weren't here. johnny has been a hero to us and has taught me much on every level of caring for a person. it hasn't been easy at all. there's been so much heartbreak and physical exhaustion-- i've had a nervous breakdown and cried a lot, but each day we all get up and find that God's grace truly is sufficient for us. i've had to take quite a few days off work and my back has been bothering me a lot (i have a degenerating disk in my low back that i have to be careful of) so johnny has had to take over all of the lifting and shifting of n. we are both up a lot at night to help him go to the bathroom. my mom is coming tomorrow to stay with us for a week and we can't wait to see our franco. i'm also taking a week off since my students are on spring break. God's timing is good. johnny will go back to loads of work and rescheduled appointments. i told franco to put on her nursing cap and bring her weightlifting brace. she said she's ready so i know God is already filling her with the strength she will need.

this is about all i can handle explaining for now. it's been VERY intense and exhausting and i've only told you half of it. all i can say is that i feel the nearness of God and a peace which surpasses comprehension all about us. thank you for your love and prayers.

gimme a C!

attention: italian cherub travels from modern rome, a,k.a san diego, and emerges from ancient pueblonian kiva!

clara, clarey, clarabelle has been johnny and hils best friend forever and forever will be. she's like another mama to us and she's simply the best. if you haven't met her you are missing out on the cutest, sweetest, most loving human we've ever known. seriously, it would take me a long time to think of a poem to describe this most dynamic and wonderful woman. i'll just let the pictures tell the story...

she brought a lot of crap! but we love her anyway...

there was lots of dress up as we unpacked the 6 or so suitcases she brought for 3 days of visiting. some italians aren't much for minimalism. ella le ama mucho el belagio y las vegas.

wally got a little stressed out.

clara even wore socks with my name on them which she kindly left to me along with a tiara under my bed, kerchiefs on my pillow, a silk flower on my mirror, and a satin slipper under my sink. i think she's my fairy godmother!

we took clarey to the pecos monument. here are the two cutest friends ever in my opinion. daily conversations went a lot like this...

hils! get over here!

no!

rocko. get me a _______ (insert electronic device), 4 triple A batteries, a plastic bag, and the card with the picture of my dog who died that i sent hils 2 years ago.

uh, okay...

just go in her room and look for it. don't answer anyone's questions.

okay, clarey. but--?
don't ask questions. remember- CIA, rocko. just do it.

okay, i'll try.

don't say you'll try! just do it!

when she wasn't bossing us around she enjoyed taking in nature. she got up every morning to watch the sunrise. she only disturbed one neighbor on the first morning as she jazzercized and sang with her ipod in the dirt circle at the end of the road. she thought it was a little more secluded than it actually is here. no worries, clarey.

clara's favorite part was gettting to spend time with n. she loves n like one of her own 4 sons and was very honored to give him a leg massage. n said he's never had such deep tissue work on his legs and with such a generous amount of lotion! clarey said that she's never been more humbled than being around nat, as she affectionately calls him.

there really isn't anyone like clara. she is a wife, mother, sister, auntie, and friend like NO OTHER. she kept us laughing in a parade of outfits and stories filled with humor, italian drama and an endless series of props continuously emerging from her bra area. this along with sincere passion and great faith about everyone and everything she talked about.

what would we do without our dear friend? she is truly the cutest person in the world who showered us with unforgettable love, inspirational speeches, endless complements, fiery encouragement, scores of memories, and a killer 4 course italian dinner with candlelight and forced freedom from the kitchen for an evening. not to mention she also left behind a giant, inflatible agility run for the dog and myriads of other trinkets, videos, and photos tucked around the house to remind us of our queen of friends.

ciao, bella! we love you!!!!!

kitchen chez freak

here's a little something the senora daggett and i whipped up on my day off last week. yah, those are key limes being squeezed with pliers. we spend a lot of time wondering how cooks and gastronomes of the ages have pulled off any kind of tastey meal without spending a lifetime in the kitchen. any insights?

i wrapped the tamales and it was pretty fun and relaxing. we were preparing food in honor of the cutest person in the world who happened to be coming to visit us that weekend. stay tuned for a report in the next post.

the tamal: one hoja filled with masa consisting of harina, cornmeal, fresh roasted corn, mucha mantequilla, fresh roasted poblanos y jack cheese and a filling consisting of fresh ground lamb with sauteed onions, habaneros, roasted pasillas, NM red pepper flakes y red chile powder, pine nuts, raisins, cumin, cinnamon, cardamom etc. we also made goat cheese filled ones with mint and three chopped peppers. results were less than thrilling and we can't figure out why. we've done it before with my mom franco on our trips to the sierras, and they've been to die for, especially with homemade mole! theory: we had to freeze the tamales for a few days and the masa lost its fresh corn flavor, if it ever had any. maybe the traditional use of lard/manteca preserves better. as we all know, fat tastes great almost any time. note: the red sauce rocked and the key lime pie was amazing and decadent with a gingerbread crust and fresh whipped cream. so much so that johnny d. ate all of it without any recollection. he kept asking for it the next day and all we could say was, you ate it, dude!

they do look pretty. very different from the mass production my gramma bamma does. we only made 30, whereas she makes like a 100 or so, which freeze beautifully for the whole year. i really wonder where diana kennedy gets her ingredients. lucky woman!

wally thinks we are still the smartest people in the world. as long as your dog still respects you, everything's going fine.