where my help comes from

"i will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where does my help come? my help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." psalm 121:1-2
today my mom forwarded me an email reminding me of this- one of my favorite psalms in the bible. i read it to n tonight before bed and we know it is true because jesus is true and helping us beyond what i can explain.

things have been very difficult this month. nathanael fractured his sternum about 3 weeks ago and we've been running on the survival treadmill ever since. he has osteoperosis so this was done merely getting off the toilet (since you're probably wondering). his dad flew out a couple days after it happened and has been here much longer than he'd planned during his busiest season of the year. n hasn't been able to lay down or get up without assistance. those first days hils taught me the trick of pulling and laying down someone by stabilizing them in a sheet. this she learned from her days at the convalescent hospital. i don't know what i'd have done if johnny and hilary weren't here. johnny has been a hero to us and has taught me much on every level of caring for a person. it hasn't been easy at all. there's been so much heartbreak and physical exhaustion-- i've had a nervous breakdown and cried a lot, but each day we all get up and find that God's grace truly is sufficient for us. i've had to take quite a few days off work and my back has been bothering me a lot (i have a degenerating disk in my low back that i have to be careful of) so johnny has had to take over all of the lifting and shifting of n. we are both up a lot at night to help him go to the bathroom. my mom is coming tomorrow to stay with us for a week and we can't wait to see our franco. i'm also taking a week off since my students are on spring break. God's timing is good. johnny will go back to loads of work and rescheduled appointments. i told franco to put on her nursing cap and bring her weightlifting brace. she said she's ready so i know God is already filling her with the strength she will need.

this is about all i can handle explaining for now. it's been VERY intense and exhausting and i've only told you half of it. all i can say is that i feel the nearness of God and a peace which surpasses comprehension all about us. thank you for your love and prayers.

gimme a C!

attention: italian cherub travels from modern rome, a,k.a san diego, and emerges from ancient pueblonian kiva!

clara, clarey, clarabelle has been johnny and hils best friend forever and forever will be. she's like another mama to us and she's simply the best. if you haven't met her you are missing out on the cutest, sweetest, most loving human we've ever known. seriously, it would take me a long time to think of a poem to describe this most dynamic and wonderful woman. i'll just let the pictures tell the story...

she brought a lot of crap! but we love her anyway...

there was lots of dress up as we unpacked the 6 or so suitcases she brought for 3 days of visiting. some italians aren't much for minimalism. ella le ama mucho el belagio y las vegas.

wally got a little stressed out.

clara even wore socks with my name on them which she kindly left to me along with a tiara under my bed, kerchiefs on my pillow, a silk flower on my mirror, and a satin slipper under my sink. i think she's my fairy godmother!

we took clarey to the pecos monument. here are the two cutest friends ever in my opinion. daily conversations went a lot like this...

hils! get over here!

no!

rocko. get me a _______ (insert electronic device), 4 triple A batteries, a plastic bag, and the card with the picture of my dog who died that i sent hils 2 years ago.

uh, okay...

just go in her room and look for it. don't answer anyone's questions.

okay, clarey. but--?
don't ask questions. remember- CIA, rocko. just do it.

okay, i'll try.

don't say you'll try! just do it!

when she wasn't bossing us around she enjoyed taking in nature. she got up every morning to watch the sunrise. she only disturbed one neighbor on the first morning as she jazzercized and sang with her ipod in the dirt circle at the end of the road. she thought it was a little more secluded than it actually is here. no worries, clarey.

clara's favorite part was gettting to spend time with n. she loves n like one of her own 4 sons and was very honored to give him a leg massage. n said he's never had such deep tissue work on his legs and with such a generous amount of lotion! clarey said that she's never been more humbled than being around nat, as she affectionately calls him.

there really isn't anyone like clara. she is a wife, mother, sister, auntie, and friend like NO OTHER. she kept us laughing in a parade of outfits and stories filled with humor, italian drama and an endless series of props continuously emerging from her bra area. this along with sincere passion and great faith about everyone and everything she talked about.

what would we do without our dear friend? she is truly the cutest person in the world who showered us with unforgettable love, inspirational speeches, endless complements, fiery encouragement, scores of memories, and a killer 4 course italian dinner with candlelight and forced freedom from the kitchen for an evening. not to mention she also left behind a giant, inflatible agility run for the dog and myriads of other trinkets, videos, and photos tucked around the house to remind us of our queen of friends.

ciao, bella! we love you!!!!!

kitchen chez freak

here's a little something the senora daggett and i whipped up on my day off last week. yah, those are key limes being squeezed with pliers. we spend a lot of time wondering how cooks and gastronomes of the ages have pulled off any kind of tastey meal without spending a lifetime in the kitchen. any insights?

i wrapped the tamales and it was pretty fun and relaxing. we were preparing food in honor of the cutest person in the world who happened to be coming to visit us that weekend. stay tuned for a report in the next post.

the tamal: one hoja filled with masa consisting of harina, cornmeal, fresh roasted corn, mucha mantequilla, fresh roasted poblanos y jack cheese and a filling consisting of fresh ground lamb with sauteed onions, habaneros, roasted pasillas, NM red pepper flakes y red chile powder, pine nuts, raisins, cumin, cinnamon, cardamom etc. we also made goat cheese filled ones with mint and three chopped peppers. results were less than thrilling and we can't figure out why. we've done it before with my mom franco on our trips to the sierras, and they've been to die for, especially with homemade mole! theory: we had to freeze the tamales for a few days and the masa lost its fresh corn flavor, if it ever had any. maybe the traditional use of lard/manteca preserves better. as we all know, fat tastes great almost any time. note: the red sauce rocked and the key lime pie was amazing and decadent with a gingerbread crust and fresh whipped cream. so much so that johnny d. ate all of it without any recollection. he kept asking for it the next day and all we could say was, you ate it, dude!

they do look pretty. very different from the mass production my gramma bamma does. we only made 30, whereas she makes like a 100 or so, which freeze beautifully for the whole year. i really wonder where diana kennedy gets her ingredients. lucky woman!

wally thinks we are still the smartest people in the world. as long as your dog still respects you, everything's going fine.

hot wally sees loretto chapel

actually hot wally had to stay in the car looking baaaaad. she only saw the chapel from the outside and that was quite enough. when you are this cool it is best to lay low...

...and lick your chops. sometimes dressing up makes wally sleeeeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyy!

dear gramma bamma, i finally went inside the famed loretto chapel and saw the miraculous windy staircase. it's beautiful in there, but that german guy sure ruined it with those nasty barristers... excuse me, i mean banisters as my brainy husband just informed me, although there were probably many lawyers involved in supervising the construction defect litigation for this otherwise miraculous edifice... jutting off from the sides! we got a book on it called the sisters of loretto and their chapel which looks very interesting. for those who haven't been keeping up with "unsolved mysteries," the loretto chapel was built in 1878 without access to the choir loft. woops! there was no easy architectual solution in such a small space so the sisters prayed and a mysterious carpenter showed up on dia novena of their prayers. he worked quietly for 6 months and the end result was a staircase with two 360 degree turns, without any center support and apparently no nails, just wooden pegs. architects are still baffled by it today. the carpentero disappeared without pay or thanks even though they sought for him in newspapers etc. since then it's caused a stir, but the woman who wrote this book, thinks she may have figured out who he was. we'll keep you posted. it's surely a sight to see.

thanks to that tenacious french archbishop jean baptiste lamy, this chapel was installed with stained glass ordered from paris. bravo, m'sieur lamy!

downtown santa fe is always full of visual stimulation like this mud-riddled jeep. someone was having fun!

hils and i had a nice break walking around downtown after dropping johnny off last sunday. then it was back to a busy week at work teaching and planning civics activities including a letter writing campaign to a NM state senator who is on one of the congressional committees working on the stimulus package. most students admitted that the economy was hitting them hard and they were happy to write letters in support of continuing their education. the letters were written by engineers, magazine and newpaper editors, mechanics, bakers, moms, teachers, and many who only finished 6th grade coming from all over the world. they all passionately want to learn english and get their citizenship, own a business, find an american girlfriend etc. it was a delight to read and send their stories to washington d.c.

as for my n, things have been rough. he has lost some weight so we're very concerned. he is still loving his physical therapy pool, and i am so grateful he has something that brings him joy. i know an amazing grace is upon us, but it's very intense. thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers towards us.

"the witness in the sky in faithful" (Psalm 89:37) just like Jesus. i trust Him and i am thankful for His nearness which is getting us through each day.

professor joffrey

all week the moon was doing lovely things: rising in fullness over the pecos valley at sunset, setting like a grand balloon over hills and highways as southwesterners drove to work, quietly crawling out of blackness over glorieta mesa in a radioactive yellow-greeness which reminded me of a wedge of cheese. the sky is always entertaining us here in new mexico, but this week i could barely keep up with all the tricks of earth's wonderous satellite.

one afternoon hilary and i took the dog on a walk at the "top of the world," as n likes to call it, which doesn't overlook more than a slice of lamy and the haunting and vast galisteo basin. they want to start drilling for oil there and there's a huge mix of emotions over it as it's a very historical area. we don't have mineral rights here in the wild west so it's a scary prospect. i'm sure it will all come down to money, but there are many activists fighting hard to preserve this dry and ancient land. we shall see.

we tried to hike down to lamy proper, but couldn't make it because of hil's feet and wally's legs. here is the lonely view of the basin; i don't know if you can see the tiny cluster of edifices that are "downtown" lamy, but they are there. it was the old railroad stop off for this area. many artists and easteners of the early/mid 20th century were deposited in lamy off long train rides then weathered rough roads to get to santa fe and ghost ranch to bask in the romance of pueblo culture, stunning geography, campouts on horseback etc. i can't say i blame them!

speaking of easterners drawn to the southwest, i received a voicemail one day from our dear friend, geoff, that he was to be in town leading a group of fellow drew ph.d. candidates on a two week journey through the southwest in a study of pueblo religions. of course he did not get to stay at a dude ranch like his intellectual compatriots of the past, but i picked him up at the best western and took him promptly to lamy. n greeted him with a huge hug and a detailed house tour, and was making great efforts to visit all night even though he was very tired. i know geoff appreciated it. in fact, one of our local pastors stopped by to pray for n that night (he and his wife do so as often as they can- they are another treasure to us!) and i know that helped him stay energized.

when g.p. first arrived i whisked him off to a walk with wally in hopes of decreasing her martyrdom for the evening. as you can see they were not quite sure of each other at first.

but they warmed up to each other.

especially when we got to talking southwest history and wally donned her special necklace replete with grizzly claws, old italian glass beads, a civil war button, and an arrowhead- a gift to n from our other history-loving friend jeffrey of glorietta pass. can't you just see tubbery in it?

geoff is such a dear friend to us. we treasure him like a brother and i can never forget how he helped me plan my whole homespun wedding! he, meag and mel worked behind the scenes buying and hanging japanese lanterns, tulle, and white christmas lights from the 50 foot high warehouse ceiling at our old church. to say the least! poor geoff. i think he will never plan another wedding. i know i sure don't want to. but n and i always reacall our wedding supper serenade from tim and him on guitar and violin singing one our favorite robert burn's tunes, sweet afton, with "roxie" sung in place of "mary." ay. as warren testified, there wasn't a female in the room who wasn't teary eyed that night for all the music and blessing of God in the room.

and what a blessing is our friend, geoff. for anyone else who treasures this fellow, you know there is no one else who will cook for you or help you complete a task with such sincere beads of sweat budding on his professorial forehead. like old friendships, it felt like only a few weeks had passed since we were having dinner together in tacoma. what a gift it was to see our delightful friend! we love you, geoff!

christmas with the kooks

we had a great christmas with n's sister the feebird visiting us. hils wanted to greet her with a prisitine, little tree nesting a few vintage ornaments. ha! look what i talked her into! victory! i don't have a photo of my jimi hendrix outdoor tree, but just try to imagine it glowing in our snowy front yard. what would i do were i left alone to decorate?

next photo: wally has some problems with her ACL in her back legs so fee came up with this nifty idea for hiking. clearly we did not go with her plan, but we were impressed with her ability to get flora into the living room.

here is our kiva fireplace decorated with mini-luminarias (paper bags with sand and candles- they also have plastic electric ones) which people love and hate here. they are beautiful, but not many people put them up because they are a lot of trouble. you do get the craving for some fun Christmas lights twinkling up and down the streets, but hardly anyone does that either. but nothing, nothing is like tacoma with its inflatable elves, snowmen, revolving santa sleighs and reindeer, carols pumping from loudspeakers, and whatever else you can fit onto a roof above a manger scene. when i lived there i even bought a giant frosty at a lawn ornament garage sale once with the hopes of eventually leaving it on tim and abby's lawn, but it never happened. yes, meag. you can most certainly mark the holidays in t-town. franco (my momma) made these stockings.

our tree on Christmas morning.

n opening his gift from fee- a book about an irish country doctor. excellent choice, lassie!

materialism takes over...

....followed by a feast: when fee was 4 years old she attended a dinner at a friend's home and when served her plate she promptly asked, "where's the sauce?" we had a christmas dinner potluck at our neighbors' richard's and stacey's house, and when richard, who roasted the turkey, was asked by fee about the gravey he said he was over it. well, she wasn't. stacey tossed her an apron and she got right to work separating fat and reducing stock. she is her mother's daughter after all. you can't escape those norman bloodlines no matter what they tell you!

after christmas day, fee and i went on a beautiful hike in glorieta which is about 20 minutes from lamy. the snow was deep so we pooped out quickly, but the highlight was stumbling upon a clearing with horses feeding without the fences which normally hedge them in.

it was wonderful to pet these majestic creatures and run our fingers through their wiry winter coats. it was sad at the same time because they obviously associated us with treats of which we had none, and they were all out of food. i will definitely go back to check on them... with a backpack full of carrots to be sure!

here is fee bird with, yolanda (our pick), the pony who wanted to adopt us. at first we thought she was a boy and named her alfonso. she ran right up to us when we first came into the clearing and tried to eat our coats, pants and even slurped up my backpack string which i had to pop out of her chomping horse teeth. we were cracking up. on our way back she was very excited to see us again and tried the same antics. we were so touched by her we were giving her kisses and i reached up under her perfectly colored, femme fatal bangs and did some massage on her forehead and around her ears. well, after that she proceeded to follow us down the trail. fee had to push her back 3 times and the last time she stood at the edge of the clearing and watched us until we were out of sight. and my camera battery was dead! you know i'm going back to see her! God's creatures are exceedingly special and i can't wait for a day when they are all treated right!

therapy pool and other rejoicable things

here are some pictures of n in the therapy pool with his physical therapist, donna. nathanael is a water person and i love to see him move around in a setting so comfortable for him. these pictures are precious to me.

n's blood pressure got low after a few exercises. the pool is 95 degrees so he has to be careful as his b.p. runs low in general. i opened some windows and doors to let in some snowy air and donna led him in a break doing some acupressure on wrists which helped.

i absolutely love the way donna works with n. she has a gentle voice interrupted by a contagious, bellowy laugh which errupts at anytime. however, when she does watsu she looks like a serious mother lullabying her son.

there is grief in these photos, too. hilary always said that one of her worst fears was to be in the place of one of those all-too-common african mothers we see photographed cradling a gaunt and starving child in a refugee camp. when we look at the pudgy, baby pictures of n on the fridge in her arms with carrot juice all over his face, we can't believe how things have turned out.

even our most wonderful african friend, damaris, who has seen such things in africa as described above, burst into tears upon meeting hilary (having known our story beforehand). she was as shocked and upset as we have ever been about nathanael's condition.

thankfully we are not in a famined state in africa. we have above and beyond our share of comfort and privilege in this trial. this we have in terms of physical and heavenly provisions. but nonetheless, there is heartbreak about nathanael's ongoing condition, and damaris, who has seen the real thing, weeps with us as do many of you. especially all of n's mothers and fathers and aunties and uncles out there.

n turned 31 this month and we rejoice! moreover we rejoice in knowing the source of eternal life, JESUS, whom God sent into the world, "not to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him. He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God." John 3:17. wow. Jesus said that to nicodemus, a jewish leader. it's certainly something to think about this week and beyond.

MERRY CHRISTMERRY!